that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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