paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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