You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
