one two three fourrrrnication!
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
