I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
