Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
