If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
