I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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