So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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