We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
