I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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