so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
