you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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