How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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