Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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