It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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