i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Did I show you my penis last night?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
