Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
