My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
