Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Let's get the cat blown out
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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