Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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