Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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