can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
ok first of all what the fuck
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
