Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
