brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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