It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
