I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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