Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
