did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
