I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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