Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
