last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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