No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
