Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
How drunk are you?
Completed.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize