I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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