After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
