I wish my penis had an off switch
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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