the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
