I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
