You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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