I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Randomize