i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
