I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
