Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
