Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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