everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
