That's when you crack a 10am beer
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
