U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Ketchup is God's man juice
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
this boner is exhausting
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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