I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
