May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
third nipple confirmed
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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