So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
