Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
