just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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