im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My life is pants optional.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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