i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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