My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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