I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
