I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
