why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
