You can't motorboat a personality
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
