Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
