i just google imaged poop.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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