My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
