I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
