Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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