Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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