he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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