Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
