I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
