You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
