I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
