i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
